I am Pissed and Possibly Offensive to Others ...

Once again I must veer from the lineal retelling aspect of this blog and into another rant, pity pot, ~smh~ moment. Ali recently received a fucking letter from our illustrious United States government. I am way too disgusted and exhausted to write a recap so here is a photo of it:

Okay ...my kid has not been able to work at a regular job for at least 2 years. I can verify that she has not been in a condition to hold down a job, despite numerous attempts to do so. She has survived thanks to those of us in her family supporting her, with a few dollars in food stamps more recently, and her doing odd cleaning/organizing work when she is not in severe pain or nauseated. As well as having multiple mental health issues that medication cannot eradicate. Let us not forget she is also in recovery for eating disorder ... apparently none of this is considered legit by the powers that be.

I try to tell myself the following:

1. I know, from being in the behavioral health field, the inside scoop on how these sort of government agencies work. Personnel are trained specifically to deny claims for any possible reason whatsoever. Of course, this is done to dissuade people from continuing the process, and to put off a citizen actually being paid any benefits. In other words, it is nothing personal.
 2. I also know, that Ali will appeal the decision and most likely, win in the end. This is also part of the process that one has to go through before receiving benefits. Again, it's nothing personal.
3. We are not desperate. We are blessed. I trust in the Universe to see us through.

But then I look at my tax returns over the past years while Ali has been battling her eating disorder, physical and mental health issues, and I am FURIOUS all over again.

I am not able to claim Ali as a dependent for tax purposes because she has not "technically" resided with me this past year due to being in residential treatment last year, and being over 24 and unable to be a student due to (name the issue:______________) while she is living with me, currently. So I am paying a tax premium (I won't even go into the whole "making too much to get any breaks, but not enough to get out the paycheck-to-paycheck grind" right now) as well as not having insurance at work, so having to pay a big penalty on my tax return.

And don't even get me started on the lack of insurance deal, and paying out of pocket for my own health care when I do seek it ... blah!

It is all very frustrating, for I am paying and paying and paying taxes, like a bottomless pit. But what I am paying for, my daughter, who really needs the benefits these taxes are supposedly going to, cannot get. So I am getting double-hit.

I am looking at homes in the Caribbean or even Puerto Rico. Less taxes, free healthcare, less violence, noise, and oppression. Maybe it's just a dream, but sometimes dreams are better than reality.